I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
