its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
