just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
