btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
