At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize