dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Go christen that room with your naked body.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
