He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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