we made out on top of his cat.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
