No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
