i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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