I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
