I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
