Kiss
Puke
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
