My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
