Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
