O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
