I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
