The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
