The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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