Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
