A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
