"it" just moved
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
