OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
