Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
