I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
