VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wish my penis had a tongue
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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