a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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