It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize