Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
