Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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