my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
