I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
