i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
