airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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