So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
