i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
