we're chasing vodka with high fives
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
