I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
