Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize