Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
