Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
should my penis look like a turkey
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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