True but thats because hes a fetus.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have already put on my inside pants.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
