I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
