So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
