never play flip cup with pint glasses
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
