The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm jealous of your bromance
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
