she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
