If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
