She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
