im drinking this country out of the recession.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
