Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
