its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
