Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
