dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
