The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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