alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
