Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
