I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
