never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
