my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
