why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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