...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
