I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
