Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize