just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
being pregnant is like rehab
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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